Divorce is never easy for both parents and children. Everyone in the family feels an immense sense of anxiety and loss. The family who falls under the affliction of divorce will no longer be the same. Parents need to settle their own emotions, particularly the occurring guilt they feel towards their children.
While you cannot take away your child’s pain, you can help them deal with the various disappointments that a separation brings. Here are the things you can do.
How To Break the News?
Have a sincere conversation with your children together with your spouse. Then explain that you two are getting a divorce. Don’t try to sugarcoat, speak honestly but don’t include the ugly details.
Confess that the experience will be sad. See to it that your child understands that a divorce is only between the two of you. And repeatedly remind your child that he or she is not the reason for the divorce and that both of your love for him or her didn’t change.
Expect Different Reactions
It’s normal for children to show interests in concrete things such as “Do I need to change schools?”, “ Where will I live?” or “Who’s going to take me to my extra-curricular lessons?” You need to maintain your child’s routine as much as possible while working out the terms of the divorce. Your child feels secure when he or she knows what to expect.
When the reality of the divorce finally settles to your children’s mind, expect to receive different reactions such as;
Toddlers. A child at this age might respond by becoming clingy, irritable or waking up at night.
Preschoolers. A child in this age needs extra help in comprehending that he or she is not the root of the divorce. He or she also needs aid in understanding that there’s nothing he or she can do to bring you and your ex-spouse together.
Elementary schoolers. Children in this age bracket are more likely to express anger. They fantasize about you getting back together, might worry about what will happen to you and your spouse and look for someone to blame including themselves.
Teenagers and adults. An older child is more likely to feel depressed or worried that he or she will also fall in the same situation someday. Teens might consider risky behavior and question their beliefs.
The situations above are just the common possibilities for a child’s reaction. Hence, it’s vital to encourage your child to open up his or her feelings about the divorce.
Make Sure Your Child Feels Well-loved
According to M. Gary Neuman, author of Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way and creator of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, children assume that they are somehow to blame when a parent regularly doesn’t come through.
If only they behaved more or do better in school, then surely their parents will stay together and be with them. As a result, their confidence hurdles. Thus, you need to reassure your child that your ex-spouse’s commitment issues have nothing to do with his or her lovability.
Don’t Bend The Rules
It could be tempting to take a break from your parental duties while your child is mourning over the divorce, but it will only generate more insecurity. Children thrive on structure, routine and consistency even if they insist on testing limits and boundaries. If your child divides time between two households, try to retain the same rules in two homes.
You can consider using the services of a family or divorce mediator if you and your spouse need help in reaching decisions about your child before, during or after the divorce. Most local and international divorce attorney would recommend you of doing so because your kids could also benefit from counseling especially if he or she is showing signs of anxiety and distress.
Divorce is always a hard blow for everyone, however, if both parents continue to build a calm and stable environment for their children and make them feel loved, children will survive the situation in good shape. And they will be calmer as they gradually accept everything.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are to separate after more than ten years of marriage, the couple has announced in a joint statement.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 41, and Chris Martin, 37, announced the split on her blog in a post titled Conscious Uncoupling.
“It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate,” they wrote.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay singer Chris Martin, who married in December 2003, have two children – Apple, 9, and Moses, 7.
A spokeswoman for Chris Martin confirmed the split, the Associated Press news agency reported.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are to separate after more than ten years of marriage
In the message on Gwyneth Paltrow’ blog on the website Goop.com, the couple said they had “come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much, we will remain separate”.
The couple said they had been “working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us”.
“We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been,” they wrote.
“We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.
“We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”
Within minutes of the message being posted, the website crashed as readers attempted to visit the site.
The statement was also accompanied by a photograph of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, as well as advice on marriage, divorce and spiritualism from two doctors.
In a lengthy essay titled On Conscious Uncoupling, Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami wrote about divorce as “a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved”.
“By choosing to handle your uncoupling in a conscious way, regardless of what’s happening with your spouse, you’ll see that although it looks like everything is coming apart; it’s actually all coming back together,” they concluded.
The announcement comes after Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin moved to Los Angeles last year, having previously lived in London.
Seal and Heidi Klum worked together to decide how to break the sad news of their split to their four children, the singer revealed in a new interview.
Seal discussed the way in which they broached the topic to the youngsters during a pre-recorded interview that has been aired on Access Hollywood Live on Friday, January 27.
He told presenter Billy Bush: “We talk to them, we tried to explain, as best we could, what is going on,” adding that the difficulty was “just explaining to them that things will be different, you know, without going into too much detail.”
Seal, 48, said: “Things will be different, but a lot of things won’t change.”
Heidi Klum and Seal have four children, Leni, seven, Lou, two, and sons Henry, six, and Johan, five.
Seal went on to say: “The main thing is to make sure that they feel that they’re loved, make sure that they understand that their parents love each other, make sure that they understand if there are any changes, it is absolutely nothing to do with them.”
The singer added: “It won’t change the amount of time, and in actual fact, it may even improve the amount of time that we spend with them – quality time – because it’s not the amount of time, as you know being a family man yourself, it’s the quality of that time.”
He also stressed that the break-up had been amicable, saying: “There is nothing to reconcile. We haven’t fallen out. We’re not getting divorced. We’re not even legally separated. And so… is there a chance of us getting back together? Honestly, Billy, I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to that.”
Seal said: “I want our children to be happy of course. But I want her to be happy. It’s always been like that.”
Seal and Heidi Klum worked together to decide how to break the sad news of their split to their four children, the singer revealed in a new interview
A source told Us Weekly magazine that the four children were so far finding the news difficult, saying they “are upset”, but their welfare “will always come first” to their famous parents.
Both Seal and Heidi Klum, 38, have continued to wear their wedding rings since the split.
However, while Seal has participated in several interviews, discussing the breakdown of his marriage while promoting his upcoming album, the German model has remained resolutely silent.
The couple announced their separation last weekend after nearly seven years of marriage.
It has been reported by People magazine that the final straw came during the couple’s skiing holiday to Aspen over the Christmas period.
“Aspen didn’t go as well as planned … there were more lows than highs,” a source told People magazine.
“Aspen was the final straw.”
Another source said: “When they came together for Christmas as a family, things had changed and they fought a lot. Their Aspen trip was a bit of a mess.
“Instead of enjoying being back together as a family, it was difficult for them to get along.”
The source added that Heidi Klum reached a point where she was “done with the arguing”.