Here Comes Honey Boo Boo returned for its third season Thursday night with two episodes featuring somewhat less flatulence and more conflict.
The reality show ended last season with June Shannon and Sugar Bear’s lavish commitment ceremony.
The first episode kicks off with a flashback to the ceremony “one month ago,” and flashes forward to present day with a trailerful of noise involving everyone being out of pads at the same time.
Honey Boo Boo’s father, Sugar Bear, won’t be moved to get some, saying that, as he lives with six females: “I know more about feminine hygiene products than any man should.”
That’s when it occurs to him that even though he loves his family more than anything, he needs to get away from them sometimes and he sets up his “manper” in the front yard – a rickety camper decked out with a deer skull, hula-girl figurine, Nerf basketball hoop and cuckoo clock. Mamma June’s not happy about it, but Sugar Bear is a happy hibernator.
Pumpkin tries out her wanna-be beauty school tricks on her family in the living room, transformed into Poot-Poot’s Salon. Chubbs screams when her mustache gets waxed, and Mama June looks like the Cesar Romero vintage of the Joker when her face and neck are covered in avocado mask, which Honey Boo Boo says makes her look “like Beetlejuice”. Sugar Bear luxuriates in the manper, cutting up a watermelon while explaining that it’s “a freakin’ estrogen fest in there”.
Then the family takes off for the Redneck Games, an annual fest involving lots of mud, lots of rolling around in said mud and Cornbread, the redneck of the year in 2012 (it was left unclear whether he kept his title). Baby Kaitlyn wins cutest redneck and Honey Boo Boo sulks because she doesn’t take home any prizes.
The second episode opens with Honey Boo Boo, home for the summer, shunted aside by her sisters, who have boyfriends, or, in Pumpkin’s case: “I don’t need a boyfriend. I have way more important things to do. He’d just slow me down anyway.”
After Honey Boo Boo said she doesn’t want to turn out like Pumpkin, but not before a prolonged staring contest with the camera, June Shannon enrolls her in cheerleading camp for the summer.
Anna and Jessica belch with their boyfriends, and Mama June knows it’s time for the talk.
“Boys try to get in girls’ Froot Loops,” she tells them, before the discussion devolves into talk of biscuits, motorboats.
And Sugar Bear gives the boys the talk, covering all the bases. It’s important because “you guys are getting close to my girls like two roaches on a bacon bit,” and “these girls can be nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.” Sugar Bear ends it up by urging them to “treat ‘em with respect – don’t make ‘em cry,” which is advice we could all use once in a while, especially the good folks at TLC.
The episode ends with Alana Thompson at her cheerleading performance, where she says she wants to make her family proud.