Beyonce has opened up about her heartbreaking miscarriage for the first time in her upcoming HBO documentary, Life Is But a Dream.
Beyonce, 31, suffered the loss several years before the birth of her daughter Blue Ivy Carter in January 2012.
“About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time,” Beyonce says in a preview.
“And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life.”
“I picked out names,” the singer recalls.
“I envisioned what my child would look like… I was feeling very maternal.”
Beyonce lost the child in the early stages of her pregnancy.
“I flew back to New York to get my check up – and no heartbeat,” she says.
“Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat.”
Beyonce, who married Jay-Z in April 2008, turned to music to help her get through her pain.
“I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life,” she says, but doesn’t name the track.
“And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album.
“And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.”
Jay-Z first referenced the loss in Glory, a track recorded within days of Blue Ivy’s birth in January 2012.
Beyonce was thrilled when she discovered she was expecting Blue Ivy and found it hard to keep the news to herself to begin with.
“Being pregnant was very much like falling in love. You are so open. You are so overjoyed.
“There’s no words that can express having a baby growing inside of you, so of course you want to scream it out and tell everyone.”
After cautiously keeping her second pregnancy a secret, Beyonce finally revealed her bump at MTV Video Music Awards in August 2011.
Beyonce famously rubbed her tummy during a performance of Love On Top and it went on to become the most-tweeted months of the year.
The documentary attempts to show the other, more vulnerable and human side of Beyonce.
In a previous clip, she says: “People see celebrities and they have money and fame, but I’m a human being.”
“I cry, I get scared, I get nervous just like everyone else.”
Beyonce shares tender and very candid moments from her pregnancy with Blue Ivy, showing her bare pregnant belly and even a sonogram of her unborn daughter.
Of course, Beyonce is now gearing up to perform at the Super Bowl in New Orleans on Sunday.
Beyonce – who was criticized earlier this month for allegedly miming the American national anthem at President Barack Obama’s inauguration – is said to have been preparing to perform live since the end of October.
She is now feeling the pressure to wow the audience despite believing she did nothing wrong during her performance in Washington DC.
A source close to Beyonce said she was very disappointed and felt “a technicality which everybody does took away from the beauty of the moment”.
“She didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Pavarotti has done it! It was freezing out, and if she messed up just one note, that would have been the story.
“Everybody uses these tracks, and the music director advised it. Any big outdoor live performance is almost always with some kind of track.
“She did sing, but used a track.”