Kris Jenner plays dead in a coffin
Kris Jenner develops a morbid obsession with her family’s unfinished funeral arrangements this week after spending time with her ageing mother.
What starts off as a time for planning the happy arrival of a new life, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick’s at-the-time unborn daughter Penelope, quickly turns into a week spent in cemeteries and funeral homes to the horror of the Kardashian clan.
Kris Jenner’ focus on the impending death of all those around her even ends with the premature passing of a couple of unsuspecting pet fish.
The episode begins with Kim and Khloe Kardashian deciding to buy a pet for Mason after Kim has the idea that she wants to get a present for her little nephew, as Kourtney is worried about his reaction to the impending arrival of his baby sister.
The sisters decide on fish and arrive at the Kardashian-Disick house with a couple of pet fishies much to Mason’s delight and apathy of parents Scott and Kourtney.
“Are you going to come and feed them every day?” Scott Disick gripes.
“I’m not a pet person,” Kourtney Kardashian says.
“I don’t want pets until my kids are old enough to ask for one.”
But after seeing her son’s happy face she concedes: “If it brings Mason joy, it makes me happy.”
But over at the Jenner household, meanwhile Kris is worried about her impending death.
A spell with her mother and the realization that there is no room for her in her parents’ burial plot has prompted her to start fretting over her own funeral arrangements.
Kris Jenner broaches the subject with Bruce after her mother suggests Kris should look into a family plot at a celeb-filled Hollywood cemetery.
“You should all be buried next to Marilyn Monroe,” she crows.
“You could be part of a tour!”
Kris Jenner decides to call a family meeting to discuss the ideal resting place for the clan should the unthinkable happen but while the mother-of-six tries to get the family to discuss its burial wishes – Robert, Khloe, Kim, Kendall, Kylie – and even Bruce – are having none of it.
Addressing the group she says: “If something happens to me, you’re going to be hopefully sad about it and you’re not going to make the right decision.”
But the remark has Khloe and Rob choking back laughter, while Kylie keeps her head down and texts furiously.
“There’s a lot to do and I want to make sure everything’s organized if something happens to one of my family members,” Kris Jenner reasons.
Kim Kardashian is also baffled with her mother’s topic of conversation: “What’s the right decision?
“You get in a coffin, you get in the ground – what do you want me to do?!” she asks impatiently in the preview clip from the upcoming show.
“Tell me what color [casket] you want? Do you want Tempur-pedic? And what kind of pillow-top?”
Undeterred, Kris Jenner launches into the importance of a family burial plot, but Khloe Kardashian can’t help but take another jab at her business-minded mother.
“Hey go into the funeral business! There you could extort us,” she mocks.
“Let’s make some commissions on those plots, baby!” she says as she high-fives Rob.
Eerily, soon after this morbid meeting, Khloe Kardashian looks in on the new pets and discovers that one of Mason’s fish has met with a premature end.
Kourtney Kardashian is vindicated saying: “I had a dog that died when I was little. I was completely traumatized and that’s why I hate dogs now.”
Fearing the psychological the fish’s death will have on her young son, Kourtney Kardashian insists on taking a photo of the dead pet and rushes out to a local pet store to buy an exact replica before Mason notices much to the amusement of her sisters.
Undeterred by the lack of family support, Kris Jenner has arranged for a tour of the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, one the oldest in Los Angeles and resting place of Tinseltown luminaries including Cecil B DeMille, Douglas Fairbanks and Rudolph Valentino.
While discussing the options with long-suffering husband Bruce, Kris Jenner asks him: “Do you think I should be above ground? You can go underneath me.”
To which the former Olympian quips: “No! I’ve been there enough! I want to be on to this time.”
Khloe Kardashian – who is still treating the whole affair as a joke – tells the cemetery owner: “We want a private lake with a mausoleum and a moat [with] a drawbridge so no-one can steal the bodies.”
Kim Kardashian on the other hand is beginning to see her mother’s point: “Why not have a fab resting place?” she muses.
When Kourtney Kardashian calls later to say that another fish has died and instructs Kim to go and find a replacement, Bruce decides that the time has come to for Mason to be introduced to the concepts of death and heaven.
After he brings over a book called Dog Heaven for Mason, Kourtney Kardashian realizes that the little boy is totally unfazed by the fish’s demise and by the time Scott returns has disposed of the pet and tank.
“Fish are too hard to take care of,” she wails.
“We take care of a child,” he retorts.
“It’s not that hard.”
Having solved the problem of location, Kris Jenner has now moved on the subject of caskets and brings Khloe, Kim and Rob along to give some coffins a test run.
The mother-of-six even goes so far as to climbing into on and posing as a corpse for a photo to the horror of her children as they are suddenly faced with a vision of the mother’s death.
Kim Kardashian, unfazed by her mother’s morbidity, returns to Kris Jenner’s office for a frozen yoghurt and before long the pair are musing as to who will take responsibility for Kourtney’s children if she were to pass away unexpectedly.
Over a conference call, Kourtney Kardashian announces curtly: “I’ve thought about it and I think Khloe is the best fit… I’ve already asked her.”
Leaving Kim stunned, hurt and storming out of the room.
Later Kim Kardashian is still upset about the fact that she has not been chosen to be Mason’s guardian and confronts Khloe about it.
“I don’t see why Kourtney thinks you are the better aunt when I spend more time with Mason,” she whines.
Later Khloe reports back to Kourtney and tells her that Kim is angry.
“I’m surprised that Kim has been lashing out at Khloe,” Kourtney Kardashian says.
“I had no idea that she’d even be interested in taking on Mason…. She has no clue what is involved. She’s never home!”
When Kim Kardashian comes over the following day to play with Mason, Kourtney asks her if she’d like to babysit giving Kim the opportunity to confront her over the issue.
Kourtney Kardashian tries to explain her decision saying: “You’re always traveling and Khloe makes dinner every night…..I just feel you’re really all about Kim,” she finally admits.
Kim Kardashian ends up storming out of the house with the words: “So rude!”
“Yeah, I don’t have kids right now,” Kim Kardashian retorts later.
“But I could adjust. The fact that she says I’m all about myself…It’s really hard to hear that’s what Kourtney thinks of me.”
Kris Jenner is now busy ordering a variety of floral arrangements so that the family members can choose the flowers they would like best at their funerals, a move that prompts Rob and Khloe to call time out on their mother’s research.
Over drinks they explain to Kris Jenner how uncomfortable the funeral discussions have been making them – in particular Kris’s coffin testing.
“She needs to understand that we’ve already lost a parent and we don’t want to think about losing another one,” Khloe Kardashian says.
Later, in an attempt to make peace Kourtney visits Kim at home to settle the issue of Mason’s guardianship.
“I think you’re a great aunt to Mason,” she reasons.
“But I had to chose someone.”
Kim Kardashian replies: “I just wish that you’r talked to me about it – you knew I’d find out eventually.”
Kourtney Kardashian then pacifies her indignant sister by offering her the responsibility for Mason’s financial affairs in the event of her and Scott Disick’s death: “Because I know you’re good with that kind of thing.”
This seems to have the desired effect as Kim Kardashian goes on to boast about how she has now been put in charge of the two-year-old’s fiscal future.
Finally in an effort to get Kris Jenner to put a lid on her funeral planning Rob organizes a party for his mother and her friends at a winery in Malibu to celebrate her life.
While his mom trills with pleasure he unveils a new tattoo – a portrait of Kris Jenner on his forearm to show his appreciation for his mother.
“Are you ready to start enjoying life and stop focussing on your funeral now?” he asks.
“I’m definitely going to live in the moment,” she says.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians airs Sundays at 9:00 p.m. (EST) on E!
Short URL: http://www.bellenews.com/?p=22853